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If libido is gone, it’s not just a relationship problem. It’s a health problem with a solution.
“A healthy body should be healthy, happy, and horny. At all ages. If sex is at the bottom of the list—below television and a cookie—I already know you don’t have enough testosterone.”
— Kimberly Cunningham, Board-Certified Nurse Practitioner
This episode might be the one nobody expected—and the one a lot of people need to hear. Kimberly Cunningham joins me to discuss her book Great Sex Never Gets Old: Health, Hormones, and Having It All After 40, and to make the case that sexual wellness isn’t separate from health. It is an indicator of overall health.
The conversation starts with oxytocin—the bonding hormone produced during breastfeeding, shared meals, and shared orgasms. Oxytocin supports blood pressure management, stress regulation, sleep, and mood. The Harvard Medical School longevity study, running since 1938, found that the number one predictor of being alive after age 80 was the quality of a person’s relationships. Kimberly connects the dots: those relationships produce oxytocin, and sexual connectivity is one of the most powerful ways to generate it.
Then she gets into the physiology. Sexual function depends on three things: blood flow to erectile tissue (clitoris and penis alike), nerve innervation of the area, and a functioning pelvic floor. All three are driven by testosterone. When testosterone falls—around age 35 for women and 45 for men—sexual dysfunction follows. And it’s not just about libido. The most common decade for women to get divorced, be prescribed an antidepressant, and commit suicide is age 45 to 65—ten years after testosterone has dropped off a cliff while nobody checked.
Kimberly’s practical advice: if something is important, put it on the calendar. She schedules her FastFit workouts. She schedules vacations. Sex should be no different. And if desire is mismatched in a relationship, the first step isn’t couples counseling—it’s labs. Find out if there’s a hormonal reason one partner doesn’t want to want to. Fix the physiology first, then address the patterns.
The episode also teases Kimberly’s second book, Playing the Long Game, which covers longevity, Alzheimer’s prevention, VO2 max, protein synthesis, and sleep.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why oxytocin—produced during shared meals, breastfeeding, and shared orgasms—is critical for blood pressure, stress, sleep, and mood
- How the Harvard longevity study (since 1938) links relationship quality to being alive after 80—and how oxytocin connects to that finding
- Why sexual function depends on testosterone through three mechanisms: blood flow, nerve innervation, and pelvic floor integrity
- The most common decade for divorce, antidepressant prescriptions, and suicide in women is 45–65—correlating with ten years of unaddressed testosterone decline
- Why lost libido is a health signal, not a normal part of aging—and what to do about it
- Kimberly’s advice: schedule sex like you schedule your workouts, and find a provider who asks about sexual wellness
- A preview of Kimberly’s second book, Playing the Long Game, covering longevity, Alzheimer’s prevention, and more
🎧 Watch or listen now:
→ Watch on YouTube »
→ Listen on Spotify »
→ Listen on Apple Podcasts »
